I had one of those moments last night. I wasn't performing a solo recital, or doing a major concert with one of the "great" orchestras, or watching one of my sweet students win a competition. I was just siting in rehearsal waiting for my turn to play, when it struck me, "you actually ARE doing what you wanted to do when you were 10 years old!"
There aren't that many people in this world that can truthfully say that, and perhaps my realization moment wasn't quite all the way there.
I started playing the harp when I was 8 years old. Like every other kid, I wasn't the best at practicing daily, nor did I really care that much. My mom on the other had did. As the traditional music mom, she tirelessly drove me to lessons and hounded me to practice every day. Some days I thought I was being clever and tricked her into thinking I practiced by leaving my music out, taking the cover off the harp, setting the pedals in the key of the piece of music left on the stand and waiting for my mom to come home. (the pedals were probably unnecessary since my mother knew nothing about harps and which pedal was associated which which notes). Still every now and then my mother would catch me in my tricks and threaten to sell the harp. Thinking of never playing the harp again would (and still does) instantly send tears to my eyes!! I knew then that I wanted to play the harp for the rest of my life. I didn't really know what that meant, but I knew it was important for me!
The next several years I spent practicing and preparing to go to college at the University of Arizona. Harp Fusion had come to Utah to do one of their "epic" performances and again I knew right then that I wanted to be on that stage, performing with them, and doing what they were doing! When I made it into the program with a full tuition scholarship I was thrilled.
After a few years of constant rehearsing and performing with 14 other harpists, I was feeling a little burned out, but I am not a quitter. I knew that this is what I had wanted and had worked for so I had to stick with it and finish the program. Honestly my senior year wasn't the best. I had a bad attitude and frankly just wanted to get out of the desert and away from sparkly teal dresses. Fortunately that was also the year that I had to start focusing my attention on Grad School Auditions, my Senior Recital and I was also blessed to meet my future husband! (the latter being the most important!!)
I auditioned at two schools. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go to grad school or if I was even talented enough to get into a program. (I believe my own self doubt gets the best of me every now and then) First was my University of Michigan audition which went amazing!!! Everything was nearly perfect and my audition committee seemed happy and quite pleased! When I got back to my hotel room that evening I decided to look up UM's tuition costs. Out of state graduate music school tuition was over $50,000 a year! There was NO WAY I would ever be given enough of a scholarship to cover that amount of money! My undergrad tuition was only $44,000 for all four years. So I thanked my heavenly father for the opportunity to have a great audition experience and tried to forget all about it.
Two weeks later I auditioned at Roosevelt in Chicago. What a different experience that was! My hotel was crappy, I was scared and nervous the whole time about being in a big city, I made several mistakes in my audition and was even told that in order to be a part of the program I would have to shave my head (? don't ask why, I still am clueless?!?). On my way home the entire airport was shut down after I had boarded the plane. (I hate the Chicago O'Hare Airport!!) After staying the night in the airport on a one of their crappy emergency cots, my AMAZING boyfriend figured out a way to not only get me home, but payed for the new plane ticket, drove two hours to pick me up and even got me a refund on my plane ticket! Can you see why I married him :) After that I never wanted to go to Chicago again!!!
I pretty much gave up on grad schools at that point, and tried focusing on my Recital. Several weeks later I received my acceptance letters. Roosevelt had given me half tuition - generous, but I needed full. When I opened the Michigan letter I wasn't expecting anything. I was greatly and pleasantly surprised to see that they were offering me full tuition!!!!! I really couldn't believe it. I finished up the school year, got married and my husband and I ran off to Michigan to start our new lives together.
I know this is getting a little long, but I'll keep going...
Our first two years in Michigan were tough. Robbie couldn't keep a job with the depressed economy and I was struggling to keep up in the harp program, while doing everything I could to make money performing and teaching on the side. I was starting to seriously consider cutting my losses and move home to Utah where I knew my mom could take care of us. Fortunately the harp teacher at the Flint Institute of Music was moving and they called me! Without doing a formal search, the school hired me on to take over their harp program. (I had substituted for the past teacher several times, so the school knew me and already knew I was a good fit) Also around this time I started getting calls from orchestras all over Michigan to play second or sub for their regular harpist. It still amazes me how God helps us out when we need it most!! I graduated and was able to keep my temp student job at the music school information office, which has just recently turned into a full time position for me. While having a full time job is difficult for a musician to find time to practice and perform as much as I would like to, I love being around and associating with all the great musicians at the University of Michigan.
I know there are some people that say that all I have done is a testament to all the hard work and practicing I have put in over the years, and I would agree, but I also believe that God is there for us at every step and turn of our lives, guiding us and helping us along our path. Sometimes we are fortunate to have a realization moment to remember what all the work is for. which reminds me of the quote....
"Life's not made up of the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away!"
